Grammy's a Must Watch?

A recent poll suggests that 80 percent of television viewers will not be tuning in to the 2007 Grammy Awards on Sunday. And this makes us…sad. Love them. Hate them. But you musn’t ignore the Grammys. Sure, the award show proves time and again that it’s out of touch with music on a number of levels (see below). Sure they drag on for hours, leaving you practically catatonic and drooling into your Cheetos during Bob Smith’s twelve-minute acceptance speech for Best Pan Flute Album Performed by a Left-Handed North-Umbrian award. Yes, the jokes are lame, the applause is forced and everyone in the audience seems to be counting down the minutes before he or she can start getting wasted/smoke a cigarette/gouge his or her eyes out with a fork. But really, this is not a new phenomenon. Have the Grammys ever been fun to watch? Save a few stellar performances in recent years (Prince with Beyonce, the White Stripes), it’s almost always been a race to the finish-line, a means to an end. And that end is the water cooler, around which we rally to praise or disparage the winners and losers, rehash the evening’s poignant or ridiculous moments and, of course, analyze the year’s latest fashion victims. In the age of Tivo, it’s easy to blow the less exciting portions of the show (that’d be about 80 percent of it), but for the full experience, one must soldier through the whole mind-numbing shebang.

A slew of music award shows have grown up and stolen some of the Grammys’ thunder — just as the Golden Globes have become the hip, liquor-soaked answer to the grandiose and rather stuffy Oscars. These newcomers include ceremonies like the AMAs and the MTV Video Music Awards, which thumbed their noses at the old Grammy war horse. This is not to say the Grammys haven’t noticed. Consider the “American Idol”-style contest they sponsored this year, in which people competed for a chance to perform onstage with Justin Timberlake. Like most Johnny-come-lately bids to revamp the old guard, this gesture seemed symbolic at best. Ineffectual? Probably. But sweet. It’s like your Grandpa bragging to you that he likes a song by “that Kenny West fella.” You can’t help but appreciate the effort.

It’s no secret that the Grammys long ago lost their status as arbiters of contemporary music. Even the authority and distinction that once accompanied the “Grammy Award winner” title has begun to lose some of its luster. No one would turn down a chance to win, but winning doesn’t hold the same weight it once did.

Like a lot of pop culture behemoths, the Grammys have become a parody of themselves, and the journey, so to speak, has become much more relevant than the destination. It doesn’t matter who wins or loses. It’s how the game is played.

But we don’t care. We embrace all of this gratuitous, self-important Grammys posturing. We welcome it with open arms. We love to hate it, and hate to love it. When everything else in life is unsure, one thing remains certain: you and everyone you know (yes, even Osama, wherever he is) will be parked in front of the tube this Sunday to witness the Award Show That Would Not Die — bored, rapt, listless, peaceful. Pass the Cheetos.